festivities, freezing, & fevers

I love blogging.

Here I sit, eating fudge & sipping the best
hot apple cider.
The tree is up & sparkling.
We watched 50 bazillion Hallmark movies
this weekend.
My babes are tucked in.
My Hunk is near me watching the Jazz play.
Sounds dreamy, hmmmm?
But......the weekend has been
ROUGH.
All my 3 darlings were/are SICK.
Which also means that I
took hardly any pictures.

Oh, Bugg.
He's been feverish all weekend.
Glassy-eyed and lethargic.
He is so silent when he throws up,
even coming out his nose.
He is the most patient lil' dude.
Today, Mia dropped a glass ornament
and Bugg laughed at the sound.
Good sign!
But he still had a fever when I put him to bed.
(Why must special kids get sick, too?!)
We did manage to pack in a lot of goodness
before the fevers started up.............

Mia doorbell ditches on
Thanksgiving Eve.

Breakfast on Thanksgiving morn.
Sausage legs & feathers,
blueberry eyeball,
jam gobbler.

Bugg sleeps while Dada, Mia,
& Uncle J jam before Thanksgiving dinner.

A sickie Ella sits with Uncle J.

Brian & his bros throw the football in
FreeeEEEEEeeezing weather.

my brother's "milk mustache" drawing

Grandpa & Rooskii

Mia & cousin Ashtyn make
apple turkeys

Let me spell it out:
F.U.D.G.E.
That's fudge, baby!
Tradition!

watching "Little Women"
Tradition!

Mia got the energy up during the Tylenol high
to help decorate the tree and
discover Christmas treasures that have been boxed up.
She let me put her hair back to keep it out of
her mouth while she was leaning over a bowl.
The girl is SO picky about me touching her hair.
Is it not the saddest thing in the world
to have pathetically sick kids?!

Bree fluffs the branches on the raddest
artificial tree.

the view from Bugg's window

Hope you have a warm & snuggly
week!
Pray for us!
Mamas can NOT get sick.

celebrating......blessings

I'm thankful for Wyatt's
preschool art projects.
I'm always excited to look in
his backpack when he gets off the bus
to see what cute things he's made at school.
(With help from Miss Britt, of course.)

Thankful to Wyatt for getting
us sweet seating at the BYU basketball game.

And to sweet friends for sharing
their tickets with us!

I'm thankful that Bugg can sleep
through anything.
Even the hoopla at the game -
BYU vs. Utah State.
Extra heat & rivalry going on.
Yikes.
(xoxo, Bailee!)

I'm thankful for getting bit by the crafting bugg.
The idea just came to me as I was falling asleep one night.
A Christmas countdown for Bugg's room.

Girls' Nights Out
with my mom, sisters, & Mia!
We saw the play "Little Women"
in the cutest little theater.
I love the movie, love the book,
and now I love the musical.

Thankful for the candlelit dinners
we can now enjoy since it's dark by dinnertime.

Ssssoooooooo thankful for HIM.
My eternal Hunk.

Preschool!
I am thankful for Wyatt's fantastic
preschool teachers.
We got to visit for his Thanksgiving feast,
which Ella readily helped herself to.
We also got to see how popular he is at school.

On the way to his vision/speech therapy,
he stops in and sings ABC's with the secretary.
When he pats his legs like that,
you know he's a happy guy and lovin' the attention.
At one point,
I counted 10 people surrounding him,
just soaking up his cuteness as he "sang" (babbled) the ABC's.
Oh, my gosh, melt this mama's HEART!

Lightbox for vision therapy

Wyatt & I are incredibly thankful
for Miss Britt and that she gets to be with
him again this year.
It was a close one.
Those two, I tell ya.
They have the best times!

I'm thankful for inchstones.
This Bugg has made great progress.
Perhaps slow to some.
But in this special needs world,
progress means a whole day's worth of celebrating
the teeniest tiniest thing.
Like tracking a picture of a red apple
across a lighted screen.
Hello!
He used to look right through the lightbox
as if it wasn't even there!
Progress!!!
AAAAauuuuuugh!

And likewise, I'm thankful for Ella's milestones.
Like discovering body parts and holes.

I'm thankful to celebrate Bugg and that he is
4 and a HALF now.

That means 4 and a HALF candles.
Cake is topped with HALF a cookie.
I'm thankful for cookies, too.

And mostly, I'm thankful for this
awesome little family of mine.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Grub OUT.

make the ordinary EXTRAordinary

My question is: how do you take such amazing pictures of EVERYTHING?

Who, me?

Gee, Mrs. Fought, thank you
for that sweet compliment.
Photography is something I fell in love with
just a couple years ago.
It is tricky stuff and I would love
to take a real class.
I have to give most of the credit
to the Nikon D-40.
In turn, giving a lot of credit
to my Hunk for "surprising" me with it.
(hehe, I did NOT want this camera.
I didn't want to spend the $$ on it.
But he knew that I wanted it.....I just didn't know I wanted it.)
It has been awesome to document
this life full of celebrating.
There's about a trillion gadgets on the camera
that I still have no idea what to do with.
And I'd love to learn how to use photo editing,
although, taking a raw picture seems more real
than brushing it up all perfect,
make sense?

My life is not grand and fabulous.
We are home a LOT.
We don't take fancy trips or do big excursions.
But what we do have going on.....
family time, housework, seeing children grow,
errands, crafts, baking, a party here, a picnic there....
is fabulous to ME and I cherish it so so much.
And so I document it with my camera
because memories are extraordinary.
The simple things like watching Bugg
turn his head to my voice,
following the diapered baby around,
or pinning my curls
on a Sunday morning.
I think, "Hey, this would be fun to look
back on when I'm an old Granny."

My hairdo on the way to HD

A couple weekends ago,
we all went to Home Depot to get a few
house projects finished up.
I grabbed my camera, just for the heck
of capturing our morning wandering the aisles.

I can just see us watching these family pictures
years to come,
laughing at Mia doing "YMCA" while
we looked at bathroom fixtures.
And how bored Wyatt looked.
And Ella eating "tooty." (cookie)

Apparently he got so bored
that he took a snooze.
Such a simple thing,
yet priceless.

And I'm sure it's obvious that I have
an obsession with sunlight.
It makes a moment more enchanting.

Also, I like to take pictures from different angles.
Instead of just clicking from my eye level standing,
I like to change it up and see what new perspective
I can come up with.
Try it!
And I also have an awesome photog book
that my pa-in-law gave me.
It all goes back to celebrating, I suppose.
When I look around for the simple things to celebrate,
I begin to be inspired by every scene that unfolds throughout the day.
It's fun.
Great question.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve! Yay!

holding on

How do you get through the times when you feel helpless and sad for Wyatt's future? (asked by anon)
For the first 2 years, I just held on. For dear life. I barely held it together. I cried a LOT and talked to my husband because he could always reassure me and comfort me. I called my mom all the time. I cried. I stressed. Oh, it was not a good time.

The MRI of Wyatt's brain at just 1 day old showed pretty significant abnormalities. But no prognosis could be made. It ripped me to shreds, knowing that he was different, but not knowing what the heck that meant for him. For us. For our future. I'm sure I was dealing with some PPD issues as well. I was a MESS every other minute.

In the really early days, Bugg seemed to be just like your typical newborn. He ate and slept and grinned. He was chubby and bald and cute and.......a baby.

3 months old - love the rolls!

But as he got older, the more we noticed he was NOT doing. He didn't look at us. Bugg seemed to always be staring into space. He grinned, he laughed, but it was at random times. And then we noticed his lack of head control and not grasping toys. My turmoil increased as I realized that it was really happening. The whole "special needs" thing was coming to life. And that's when I started to get reaaaaallly freaked out about the future. It made me sick. I trained myself to NOT think about it. I couldn't handle it. My heart was so broken and I just couldn't take it.

I suppose I could allow myself to feel a lot of sadness, thinking back to those days. Did I waste that time with my sweet baby? Did I love him? Did I have fun with my growing 2 year old? Did I.....this, that, and the other like a real mother should???!!! I look through these old pictures and see all the fun stuff we did, the celebrations, parties, quiet and happy moments at home.....and it makes me feel much better.

4 months - the patch

2008 - 20 mos.

I think all the pain I went through helped me to get to this amazing and full and joyous and celebratory place that I am now. I HONESTLY feel so happy to have Wyatt just the way he is. Even though I know that he will never leave home and that Brian & I will always have to care for him. But I love it. I love it so much. It doesn't make me sad anymore.

I really adore the thought of making Valentine sugar cookies in the kitchen with Bugg at my side.......even when he's 50. And waking up each St. Pat's Day morning with a green shamrock sticker on his cheek! Driving through the Autumn canyon, collecting leaves to decorate our house. Doorbell ditching May Day baskets. Sharing a bowl of oatmeal every morning. Sleeping under the Christmas tree. Going to parades. Wiping his chin and cleaning his glasses. Serving my boy all my live-long days.

I am grateful (GRATEful!) to be able to celebrate this special life. The journey became awesome once I started to see Wyatt as Wyatt, and not a child with a brain anomaly and special needs. The whole world became a new & fresh palette to me. My eyes started seeing even the simplest things, as such grand and beautiful gifts from God. "Celebrate" became a daily motto.

Does this mean I never feel sad or down or depressed? Heck, no.....

I still get down in the slumps occasionally. And I still cry. I think it's good to feel every once in awhile. Feel the emotion, then be done with it and the world is always brighter afterward. I talk to my Hunk. I call my mom. I craft. Bake cookies. Go shopping for a new skirt. Open the blinds and let the sunshine in. Throw an un-birthday party. Go out for cupcakes. Take pictures. Blog! There are so many good things that help me when it's dark. I'm blessed. Amen.

Whew, gooooood question, anon. Thanks!

And I realized that there's more answer to give to a previous question: Was I afraid to have another child after Wyatt?

See the following picture story of my lil' Ella Rooski....





To most, this is probably no big thing. Yay, she went down the slide, whoop-woo. To me, it is soothing and amazing and therapeutic and delightful on a high high level to see my girl do this by herself! It is so much fun to rejoice in her milestones. This time around, I take nothing for granted. Life's incredible, hands down!

(For the record, these pics were taken over a month ago. Right now, there's a blizzard warning. Well, welcome Winter, you little rascal!)

seizures & hot wheels

Does Wyatt have seizures? What kind?

Are they controlled by medicine? If so, which ones?

and....

Wyatt has a very cool wheel chair, when did he get his first?
Is it different than a special stroller?
And what kind is it?
.......asks Sebastian's mama.

Oct '10

Wyatt has had a large handful of seizures. They are very subtle ones, usually with a rythmic twitch. I'm not sure what they're called....? His last seizure was last February. Wow-weeeeeee! That's so awesome. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed! And the seizure before that had been almost a year prior. We are seeing that it is his growth that effects them. He takes Phenobarbital (30 mg X 2 day).

It took us a long while (a couple years) to figure out the right medication for him. All sorts of concoctions and doses. With Trileptal, he had more energy and was more aware of his physical abilities. But it wasn't knocking out the seizures. Pick your battles, I guess. You can read this post to catch my drift about his seizures. Because the seizures have never stopped on their own, we have a prescribed nasal spray that we give him. It is heavy stuff but works effectively. Otherwise, it's off to the ER. (fingers crossed, fingers crossed!)

Mother's Day '10

Wyatt got his Quickie by Zippie wheelchair
on his 2nd birthday in May 2008.
Beautiful Day!
Changed my life!
And his, too.
Read about my tender wheelchair feelings
as well as the day the hot wheels arrived.
So wonderful!
My parents threw a special & rockin' party
in honor of his extra-awesome birthday.
You can watch a snippet of it on youtube.
We did look at the special strollers as an option.
I think it was called a KidKart....?
But we knew that he needed something
more durable and long-term that was going
to give him the best support.
I felt kind of sick,
looking at the catalog that first time.
Was I really putting my kid in a wheelchair?!
Gross.
It took me a bit to warm up to the idea.
But I pictured a happy & supported little Bugg.
And that made the decision so much easier.
And joyous.

And I recently discovered that the
hot wheels make a great vacuum.
(hello, nasty! Yep, that's hair in the wheel.)
So there you go.

digging a bit deeper

I had a blog when I was pregnant with Wyatt.
It was an empty blog - no pictures, no emotion, no color, no meat...
simply updates.
I don't even know how to find it now.
I was freaked out of my mind during the pregnancy,
yet I just couldn't bring
myself to share my raw self with the world wide web.
I wanted to talk & share & cry!
But I was afraid of being judged.
Like I had done something wrong to my unborn baby.
Or that people would think I was an ungrateful whiner.
Or admitting that my perfect little life actually had a flaw in it.
And that I would seem like a bad mama for having such
negative feelings about this new challenge.
I felt so incredibly alone.
And while I had an amazing support system from family & friends,
none of them knew my agony.
And that's ok. I don't think I was ready to spill guts then.
But I'm ready now.
And that's why I'm excited about these questions you've got for me!

Here's 3 questions from goingbananas:

What were the first indicators that something wasn't right with your son? Were you afraid to have another child after Wyatt for fear of having another child with disabilities? Does it bother you that he has no conclusive diagnosis?

Whew, this brings up some emotion.
Remembering just how painful it was during
that first ultrasound,
to hear that our baby boy had an abnormal brain.
The ultrasound tech had just told us that we were having a boy!
How WONDerful and exciting. A boy.

The tech spent lots of time examining the brain and taking measurements. I never thought anything of it, just how thorough she was. She also took lots of time looking at the heart. I noticed a bright white spot on the baby's heart and got curious. But she kept silent as she took lots of pictures. And then we were done. So happy to be expecting a boy!

The gal then says, matter-of-factly, "Now Brianne, I found something. The brain ventricles are enlarged." And just like that, my world changed. Life stopped and then started to disappear as she explained that there was also a spot on the heart called an echogenic focus and that I would be seeing a perinatologist the next day. The peri would be able to use high-tech equipment in order to hopefully give more answers about the baby's condition.

I was numb and hurting and wanted to just rewind the ultrasound to realize that all was well. I was so sick inside. But I put on a half-smile and we all went out to donuts to celebrate our boy.

It was torture waiting for that peri appointment. I prayed and prayed that it would not be so. "Please, let everything be healthy and fine! I don't want to be one of those moms. I don't want to have a child with special needs. I just want to have parties and bake cookies and go to the park with my perfect little children!"

My awesomely calm and encouraging husband was my strength, because I had nothing to give. I was falling apart inside and losing all hope for the joyous full life that I expected to enjoy with my little family.

So to the peri appointment we went only to have everything confirmed. Three of the four brain ventricles appeared to be enlarged. The spot on the heart was not a big concern, as lots of people are born with that. It is as common as some people being left-handed, others being right-handed. Thankfully, the "a"-word was barely mentioned. Parents in these blessed parts (utah!) are strong believers in life. We would absolutely be bringing this special baby into the family no matter what. But oh! help me to love him and be happy, God.

The doctor could give no diagnosis or foretell in the least how the brain abnormality would affect the baby. Would the baby survive to birth? How long would he live? What kind of limitations would he have? Would he look different? On & on we asked questions and NOTHING could be answered. Wait and see, he said, wait and see.

And I guess that answers your first question! (sigh) I'm drained. And if you're wanting the rest of the story, you can read about the sugared-up version of the pregnancy and the birth, if you'd like.

Mother's Day 2009 - prego with #3

2nd question:
Was I afraid to have another child after Wyatt?
YES.
But we knew that we were not done building our family.
Faith & prayers allowed me to trust that God
would give us the child that He wanted us to have.
And that's that.
To be honest, though,
fear tried to sneak in occasionally
but I had faith.
Faith is powerful.

June 2009 ~ Sweet'ems B-day

2 months old

Ella has brought so much beauty into our lives
in a trillion zillion ways.
As each of our children do.

Question #3:
Does it bother me that Wyatt doesn't have
a conclusive diagnosis?

Aug. 2009

Really good question.
The diagnosis thing consumed me for his first 18 months.
I was constantly researching, networking,
going to dr. appointments,
blah, blah.
I was so concentrated on getting a diagnosis
in order to figure out what Wyatt's future would be like,
that I missed maaaaaaany opportunities to just love my boy.
He was always Wyatt,
diagnosis or not.
Oh, the lessons I've been learning!
I should write a book someday.
More tomorrow........