the ultrasound

I had my ultrasound.

THE ultrasound.
Where we find out the gender!
And you know......
how everything is going with baby.

We took Mia out of school
so that she could join in on the celebration.
Sister or Brother?!!!
I couldn't decide what to wear.
So I wore blue & pink.
Including one pink earring, one blue.

I was so EXCITED!

Nervous, anxious, but mostly
crazy excited!!!!
Each time I've gone into THE ultrasound
to "meet" my babies,
I've been just so giddy.
Finding out if we're having a daughter or a son is
a pretty big deal!

And getting to see all their sweet growing babyness
is so precious & miraculous.
We've never cared what the gender would be,
and this time was just the same.
Boy, girl......either way would be an absolute lovely welcomed surprise!

Since I have a history of having a special needs child,
I get to go straight to Maternal Fetal Medicine
for an ultrasound with the Perinatologist.
That dreaded 5th floor where I had so many
ultrasounds with Wyatt,
hoping & praying each time that I went in
that something had miraculously changed back to normal.
But I'd done this trek with my last pregnancy,
Baby Ella,
and all had been well.
I was very excited!!! And slightly nervous.

Bugg's brain abnormality was just "lucky."
It's not familial.
Chances of having another baby with the same condition are super slim.
As I've been part of the special needs world,
I'm just amazed at how many things have to form for a typical baby to be born.

There are so many intricate parts to a body.
It just wows me.
And ultrasounds wow me, too.
Getting to see our little gem up on the screen,
moving around, sucking on fingers,
crossing legs just so,
making it difficult to get a good view at first.
I just wanted to laugh out loud!
And I did,
except that makes my belly shake too much.
It was so much fun and any anxieties I had were put to rest
as I watched our babe in black & white.

While I was there in the waiting room,
I couldn't help but think about the other mothers there,
what they must be thinking & feeling.
The grief, the confusion, unanswered questions.
I wanted to talk to them.
The doc had said it had been a bad day.
Oh! I just wanted to hug each one and tell them that,
no matter what happens,
they could still experience a wonderful & full life.
I've been astounded by the mamas
I've met that have embraced this special life and found lots of joy,
whether they got to keep their special ones or send them back to heaven.
I felt so lost, empty, & crushed each time I went to that 5th floor
with my baby Bugg in my belly.
I could have used a hug from someone who "got it."
But alas, I didn't have the courage to give out hugs
so I said a silent prayer for those special mothers.

We got some great pictures of baby
and I'm so glad that I could share
the experience with my husband & Mia.

We went out for donuts afterward.

With pink frosting.

Another girl!!!
Sooooooo happy!